A Tidy Little Life

Or is it?
Looks can be deceiving.

Sitting poolside in south west Mexico dreaming of buying a wee little apartment. Just a two bedroom in a nice spot. We could leave our house to our grown son or let it out for six months of the year. What a tidy little life we would have now that we are both retired, hubby and I. We would go to the beach every morning to do a bit of yoga. Swim. Eat tons of guacamole and ceviche. The odd margarita. Mmmmm. A tidy, little life.

Ah, but there’s a wrinkle in said plan.

If I’m not absolutely careful with medications, (yes, plural) sleep, sun, frivolity, bloodwork and following up with both medical and psychiatric doctors as well as talk therapy with a social worker. If I’m not on top of this thing, I could easily be poolside talking to an invisible Virgin Mary. You see, mental illness is not tidy. Nor is it little. But, it is life.

I am blessed in many ways and some have told me that I ‘have it all’. If by that you mean waking up out of a dead sleep in the grips of a panic attack with lifelike apparitions about, then, yes. I do have it all. Or being amped up such that sleep is just impossible. Then yes. I do. You see, the amped up aspect means hypo-mania. Hypo-mania is dangerous as it makes me lose my sense of judgment. I also just get downright pushy and annoying.

Let’s touch on another true danger. Suicidal thoughts and plans can occupy my racing mind when hypo-mania settles into my tidy little life. In order to combat the situation I second and third guess everything I do and say. I will often get quiet and sensitive and will overthink even the tiniest of decisions. Should I have a coffee or not. Maybe I should never have coffee again. Ok. Maybe I’ll only have coffee every other day but only if it’s sunny and definitely only if it’s before noon and only if a squirrel is peering at me while she quickly cheeks another nut. And on and on it goes. Yes, shades of Rainman.

From hypo to full on mania is just a step away. Maybe a few sleepless, lonely, frustrating and scary nights. With full on mania I talk to and touch everyone. I call folks at 3 in the morning repeatedly. When talking to complete strangers in the street or in a shop I take hold of their hand and tell them about their life and what to do with it.

The next step after mania is psychosis. Straight-jacket thrown into a rubber room psychosis. Injected with an embarrassing amount of sedative that usually needs repeating to be at all effective. I’ve been psychotic twice. I was unrecognizable even to myself. I escaped the locked psych ward of our area hospital and with a johnny coat flapping, knee socks and Birkenstocks I was running home. It was February. It was dark and minus 20 Celsius but, see, no judgement. Two old ladies encouraged me to get into their warm car then they called 911. I have no idea who they were but they likely saved my life that night.

Folks, if you know someone with mental illness and they are behaving unlike their usual selves, tell someone who loves them or call the cops and ask for a wellness check on them.

When psychosis is in full swing it is in no way tidy. It is in no way little but, it is in every way life.

Mexico, No Shoe-String

This is our first fully retired trip and we find ourselves in the beautiful Pacific south west of Mexico. Last time we were here was two decades ago. Gosh.

I’m a painter of pictures now. Not an artiste or anything but a hobby that I truly enjoy. So, here’s my first little paintings.

The view from our private little patio. Those are the Sierras in the distance. We have a wee little private pool too!
Playa Violin
This guy’s 60th and a lovely little day we had!
Morning on the beach

Blomidon’s Haunting Beauty

I saw this view and took a photo from the top of Blomidon Provincial Park in Nova Scotia. I then used the photo to illustrate the post entitled Slip Sliding Away. I felt that it perfectly illustrated the sense of loss around that horribly sad time. Lately I came across the picture and tried to paint it – now that I am trying to paint just about everything. I’m pretty satisfied with how my simple watercolour turned out. It is a hauntingly beautiful place and in the winter it is particularly quiet.

Amateur Art Show

Humour me folks. This is what I’m fairly obsessed with these days. Maybe you can tell??? I have found a lovely English YouTuber to ‘paint along’ with. Her name is Lois Davidson. It’s a relaxing way to spend a couple of hours. Turning a white piece of paper into an art work. See for yourself!

This one is a paint along with AhmadArt on YouTube.
Possibly my favourite

I’m thankful for my great-nephew Asher who asked for a bit of art instruction including how to ‘do’ snow in watercolour. The method involves using negative space. In other words, the unpainted part of the paper is the snow. The mysteries of art being revealed over time and with some perseverance. Pretty cool.

Asher wanted to paint a log cabin. His is next.
By Asher age 7.5
Obviously this is a paint-along and it came out well. It’s another one led by Lois Davidson thru Youtube. I love the use of the dry brush technique which allows for the shiny white water inevitably on the ocean.

Fake It ’til You Make It, Baby!

I’m kinda joking here but seriously, I have two watercolours that I have copied from or mimicked from my current teacher, one Jean Leung (see her blog at http://watercolorsbyjean.blogspot.com/) of Gaspereau, Nova Scotia. I have a loooooooong ways to go before my work appears something other than cartoonish (yes, a friend told me my work looks cartoonish – ouch! because I wasn’t going for a cartoonish look now was I). Point being, I am ever so happy on this art journey. I am loving the process. I love carving out time to make a new piece and in watching it develop. Sometimes things go smoothly and sometimes they don’t but, with every brush stroke I learn.

Posted in art

My Beautiful Valley Home

A tiny portion of the incredible Longspell Point Farm where I found myself as a guest for the day.
Tire changeover means walking back from Grand Pre where our favourite honest and fair mechanics are. Here on the Harvest Moon Trail, Jack is outlined in white as the sun sinks. It was too beautiful to not try to paint it.

Three Days No nights – Chester Nova Scotia Art Class

Myself and six others were eager art students of artist and published author, the lovely Emma Fitzgerald through the extremely well managed and friendly Chester Art Centre. Location of classroom: the Chester waterfront, farmer’s market, library garden and museum. This was sketching and water colours en plein air. It was my first attempt and I am happy to report that I was challenged by it but also that I thoroughly enjoyed it. Once again I felt completely lifted up and at ease with Emma who was a gracious instructor- always finding the place in my art where I had most clearly expressed myself. One time telling me, “I think that one is done” and when I looked, of course it was! Also, the concept of leaving white space was reinforced as a technique which anchors the painting. Who knew?

Folks, if you have ever looked at a piece of art and wondered if you could express yourself with paint (or something) on paper (or something), I would encourage you to give it a try. Remembering that I started this journey with watercolour two months ago and I am thoroughly enjoying it!

Chester NS library garden
House by the sea
Museum
Swimming boys, boats and gazebo

The View From Here

I have never walked out into the day without looking north to see the sea. Of its own volition, my head turns and smile erupts to witness today’s colour and tidal height. An implant from Upper Canada, the salt water view and distant hills are still pure joy even after twenty years here!

Remember to leave a comment. I love ‘em!

The Right Side of the Tracks

What is it about an abandoned railroad track? It is just so walkable and inviting. The smell of the creosote and the echo from the boards, the crunch of the gravel… All of it bringing back childhood memories of skipping from board to board along with grasshoppers and butterflies. I sometimes imagine the days before highways when the train transported folks to their destinations, soldiers to their training camps, goods to the various shops in town. Will those days return when fuel for vehicles is no longer feasible?

Evangeline Beach at Low Tide

Folks, thanks for taking a wee look at my latest art. Remember, this is a new thing to me (age 56) and I am learning a ton! I’m so very much enjoying this form of hobby. Take a moment to make a comment! I love them.

This is Jack on the ocean floor at Evangeline Beach, Nova Scotia in Watercolour and Ink.

Trying Art

I went to Chester Nova Scotia for an art lesson with the lovely Emma Fitzgerald, artist and author of several books. I picked up so many cool tips and encouragements. Let the art come out. Talk to yourself like a friend. Don’t worry too much about perspective. (In fact I’m pretty sure Emma said to ignore perspective.) I loved to hear these gentle encouragements. I felt completely comfortable in this class. Unjudged. Unhurried. Lifted up.

Here are some simple works I have done since.

Shedding some light on cool ways to express myself
A pretty tree on a gorgeous Valley day with an old friend
The view when the tide is out is ever changing. This time the water appeared red and orange
My front door. (Maybe wouldn’t paint the window black next time.) I’d like to think my house is a bit more welcoming than this. It is!
I enjoy taking liberties with colour: Our car is actually blue. Our roof is actually grey.

Thanks for joining me on this little adventure into watercolour and ink.

A Wolfville trail with lupines all showy